♡ 27.12.21 A ♡
i can’t remember my dreams from last night in entirety, but i wanted to write some of it down. the world was a bit fantastical, and things were oversized on small islands gearing themselves around in the clouds. i think the first thing to mention was the fact that it had started raining, and i was in the consciousness of someone who went around to witness the despair of people who believed storms were permanent, who weeped at the downfall. nobody was around this time, though, and my person had gone to a more abandoned area of the property, where the external electrical and and pipes were. i learned that their only comfort in life was when others found despair in the weather. now that there was no sign of that, they felt they had no reason. then they noticed a grimy window by them, and upon looking in there were cats within a circle, creating a pentagram, with a spiderweb by them that formed david’s star. so i broke in, and it was fine at first. i’d tried to take a picture of the scene, but the room was dark and strictly limited to the spot and a huge hole in the floor—the way i got in—so i couldn’t find a reasonable angle. the room was bigger now as i realized there was a bed with a couple of dogs in it. they had spotted me. they were silent, but i knew i was in danger, so i had to flee. i’d somehow ended up back there and the cats who were formerly still as statues, unblinking, started to defend me from the dogs. i escaped quickly but at the same time i was stuck there for quite a while due to small crab-like creatures infesting the room and i had to obstacle course against them. i remember thinking the room somehow reminded me of adin, even though it wasn’t actually much like him. it looked like a small kid’s room, formatted similarly to tatum’s, decorated with rocket ships and stars. either way, i somehow gained mobile contact with one of the crab-like creatures, and it texted me from there. later on, after escaping entirely, adin had texted me and asked why i broke into his house. so it was then confirmed that this house was indeed his, and so was that room. the creatures weren’t supposed to be as conscious as they were though so the fact that any were able to reach out the way they did was very much an issue. i don’t remember much from that section of the dream, but i know that in another section i had started school what i think was in the same building, but the completely opposite side. it was okay at first, but i felt incredibly estranged. i didn’t know anyone, and if i did, i looked unrecognizable. i was still me, but i reflected more my internal self than the external that others see. i think this reflects how i felt going into my new school this year. it was such a large school, bigger than anything i was used to, and it was a familiarity to so many already but i went in with nothing. there were some people from last year, sure, that’s a lot to have, but i felt entirely different. i couldn’t appreciate company the same. i’d gone class through class, but one caught my true attention. it was similar to sociology, but felt a lot more regimented. for some reason my name was ali, then changing to alia. everyone called me by that—it initially confused me when they said alia since i thought i was ali—and i had two sisters there. i wanted to keep to my journal but for some reason i felt the need to keep a facade. my sisters and i became the centre of attention, and the class was asking us about something. i can’t remember what they said but i know the second sister had snuck out or something like that. either way, i remember the official class discussion touching on racism. the teacher asked one kid if they were inherently racist, and the kid said yes and explained their experience of their biases. it made me reflect, and i know i’d say yes too, but i have improved a lot from where i used to be. the class diversity looked very similar to my middle school, which was somewhat interesting. mostly because i then noticed there was in fact a kid from middle school across the row from me. eddie. i felt terror and disgust when i saw him, but he clearly didn’t recognize me, so there was some relief. i them looked back to the front of the class, where i finally saw valenz. i truly felt my heart drop then. he looked back, and didn’t seem to recognize me, but there was suspicion on his face. the project moved on though, so many of us were reseated. despite being in the literal opposite corner, he was sat by me and my sisters. he had a journal with him that he was nose deep into, just like i often am. i refrained from my own journal since i thought it might make him recognize me. i noticed some of his pages, starting with a drawing of a pill bottle spilling, coloured with yellow highlighter. then i noticed a scribbled page that contained a love letter to vivianne, or about. full name and all, largely written across the top. his pen scratched at this page, and from what i could decipher i realized vivianne went to this school as well. somehow i knew they shared clay-making, since that is vivianne’s staple identifier class. i did my best to sneak a picture of the journal, trying to catch valenz in it, so i could warn her, but my camera was unreasonably zoomed in. i couldn’t fix the issue, but i still managed to get the pictures without getting caught. i don’t know what happens much after that, but i do know i never got to see her. i’m just glad it wasn’t real. when i woke up, i realized the pairing of eddie and valenz ending up in my class was quite odd. in reality the only time they were relevant at the same time was quite negative, in which i was slurred out and demeaned. anyway, at one point earlier on i was in someone else’s consciousness who was saving the cloud islands and ended up waking a bunch of irritable carebears who were apparently gathered in tents on the street and were careless to the crimes around them. it was odd to see, and i felt like i’d lost a bit of hope with that. they were supposed to be caring, but that couldn’t be further from what they became.