♡ 07.12.21 F ♡

I SEE HIM
he's interacting with someone else and smiling. it looks like he'll be walking. specifically towards the park
i want to cry. how is he so friendly with others but avoidant of me? does he not want to be around me anymore?
i'm trying not to stare, but i also want to keep track. he's talking with three other people, but he's facing me. kind of. i don't know. maybe i'm deluding myself.
he hates me anyway, right? it doesn't matter what i do. i'm just making myself suspicious. i am. what's wrong with me? why am i doing this? i should end things. for myself. for his sake.
one of the people left. there's just two now. will he maybe approach me if they have to leave? or will he try to stay with them?
another person joined them. how disappointing. i guess i'll have to stand here and type for a while. is it really worth it? i'm already feeling upset. i can't pretend to be okay like this, but i do anyway. i don't have a choice. i can't mess up again. he hates me. he hates me. he hates me. he hates me. he hates me. he hates me. hates. hates. hates. i'm sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry. the one who joined left.
what's wrong with me? im making a mistake. it's not his fault, is it? no. it's mine. i'm sorry, rowan. i'm sorry but i can't tell you that.
i don't have anywhere i can go anymore. i'm getting sick. i want to throw up. i want you to bleed me dry, so i at least go out with meaning
HES APPROACHING