♡ 29.10.21 B ♡
I had already missed it yesterday, for the first time since I joined. I’d been sick, and [Rose] messaged me by the end to check in. I kept wondering how it would change if [Rowan] visited or not. Would he assume the worst, or would he not care? Would he play things off smoothly, or would he panic? He’d probably worry slightly and then go quiet about it. I wouldn’t know, though. I doubt he would expose me like that. I know he saw my arm, but he never mentioned it. He did confiscate from me, however. I still wonder if His fingers trailing my arm through my sleeve was just his concern, or part of his goodbye. Perhaps a mix. It was reminiscent of when we were in the garden or park, a walk home after school together. When he struggled to say goodbye as much as I did. He said he was just passive, though. Is that really it? He is to some extent, yes, but he’s capable. Did he actually see things like I did? Not just coincidence, but meaningful. I wonder if he noticed the crows, or something alike. I’m thinking about what he said about being sadistic. He said he was sadistic, and loved watching people suffer, but not me. He said it so solemnly, with concern. Remorse? It wasn’t his fault that others hurt me, but he would try to amend for it. He always threatens the sources of my anguish, the people who hurt me. Is he just tough or does he care?