♡ 07.11.19 ♡
Half the time I don’t even know what I’m feeling and it’s starting to really stress me out. I don’t even know if I’m even a guy or if I’m non-binary. Am I gay, pan, or aro? Why can’t I accept my lack of falling in love? Why am I constantly having fake crushes only to convince myself I’m something I’m not? I don’t truly like people this easily, right? Even if I did, there’s no way I could even find someone who is actually a decent person who happens to reciprocate. I guess I’m just forcing myself to “like” people and get depressed when it doesn’t work out. But it only doesn’t work out because in the end I never really liked that person and if I stopped to consider if I wanted to date them, the hidden answer is no instead of the whole “you like them as a person so why not get as far as possible” kind of thing. I mean, my brain realizes someone is sincerely friendly and all so it gets way too attached and forgets how much platonic feelings and friendships can be as extremely strong as romantic feelings and relationships. Maybe I’m just an arm in denial. I was so relieved to realize I might be, but I started to feel “less” and that I was “missing out.” Then people said I’m probably just repressed. Possibly, but isn’t that also something every arm hears? There’s still other types of attraction like aesthetic, sensual, etc. and I know I’ve felt them before. In fact, some of my “crushes” were just “squishes” that included other kinds of attractions. Opening up to others has helped, so I’ll do that as much as I can. Just keep searching within yourself, [my name], or any other name you chose for YOU. Don’t limit yourself to what others want and expect you to be!